this may be of interest for your new book...
Alice, my 6 year old daughter, 11 months after leaving the dominator household, was playing with her dolls house. Firstly she said 'and the mummy gets up to look after the children and the daddy stays in bed'. I was mortified that she had this blue print for her future relationships fixed so firmly. Children learn what they live. I am trying to teach her subtly that she deserves respect and friendships and partnerships should be respectful and fair.
My son has been very mixed up, initially after we left the dominator household, his mood brightened considerably and then he became troubled again and was getting messages from his father that 'he should be naughty and make mummy cry' and 'not to like grandma and granddad cos they dont like daddy anymore'. Although my relationship with their father was abusive, he wasn’t violent towards me and the children still have contact with him. Although they are now free from him most of the time, the effects of the abusive relationship continues. He favours my son who is more susceptible to his coercion and ignores my daughter who will tell him very sagely that he is doing wrong (asking them to lie to me etc). This has resulted in my daughter not wanting to stay over (and his new partner’s daughter has moved into her bedroom - so she feels replaced). Alice went through a large spell of nosebleeds and was picking her nose constantly. I believe this to be a stress reflex.
If this is useful and you want any further info, let me know